now hiring · always hiring · why
Careers
The arcade is growing, structurally if not financially. The following positions are open. They have always been open. Read each listing carefully, then read it again, then close the tab and go play something — the application portal is down and nobody is assigned to it (see listing seven).
Wheel Lubrication Ethicist
Determines how much the Wheel of Torture may be greased before outcomes become "predetermined." Must be comfortable being booed.
Senior Sock Recovery Specialist
Eleven weeks of field experience preferred. The other sock is the signing bonus.
Refrigerator Stratigrapher
Surveys the break room fridge. You will not clean it. You will document it. Layer six is load-bearing and you will respect it.
Prize Shelf Actuary
Calculates the depreciating value of a free toaster nobody has claimed since 2015.
Head of Middle Seats
Reports to nobody. Sits between two people who report to nobody. Skinny Bob's old role; we are not saying what happened.
Assistant to Action Jack
Duties unknown. Location unknown. Applicants will not meet Action Jack and should stop calling the hardware store in Fresno.
VP of Insert Coin
Owns the coin slot roadmap. The games are free; the role is strategic.
Baby Appetite Forecaster
Projects quarterly demand for airborne food. Accuracy has never once mattered.
Drowned World Lifeguard
Wave Warriors division. The whole world is the deep end. Certification optional; it did not help the last one.
Chief Morale Suppression Officer
The broadcast ends when morale improves. Your job is that it never does.
How to apply
Do not send a résumé. Do not send a cover letter. Do not call the hardware store. Sit in the glow of the cabinets until a position feels right, then continue sitting. Selected candidates will be notified by a feeling of dread.
cerebras.com is an equal opportunity employer in the sense that no applicant has ever had an opportunity. Benefits include silly prizes, which are also the salary.